You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She told me I should be a condom model.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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