I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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