I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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