i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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