He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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