I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just had sex bonerless
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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