Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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