dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
