I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
