At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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