I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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