Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
