A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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