it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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