I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize