he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
