Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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