my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
