My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
