On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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