Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
