I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
