i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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