I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just cropdusted the office
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
