absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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