I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it's like iHOP with fire
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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