Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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