one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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