Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The uberlube is also flammable
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
