dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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