In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
