Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
