Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
