Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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