We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
