Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
