My room smells like vodka and shame
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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