So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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