After last night, I could never be a politician.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
