those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
