WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize