I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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