I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
