Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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