Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
