dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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