Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
did i just pee glitter
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
