I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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