i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
