i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
