It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
