we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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