Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
