my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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