She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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