If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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