Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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