Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
