watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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