you would pick up someone in the library
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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