Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
