He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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