grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He better not be in your backpack
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
