guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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