I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
