There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
