I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
