So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
