Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
