my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
