Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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