Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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