I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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