I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize