I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
