So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
