If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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