My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
