how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
