If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Duck Duck Cougar?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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