It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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