You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
