True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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