ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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