I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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