There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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