so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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