Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
They have beer where we have blood.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize