U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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