the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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