My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
