That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Who died my cat blue again?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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