Just mADE A PArabola og urine
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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