I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
