My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
