god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
