at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
