So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
